Therapy Search: About Therapy

Client Centered

Voice Dialogue

In musical terms, most people seem to think of themselves as a solo act; Voice Dialogue sees you as a symphony.

Right now, you may think of yourself as just "you," and that having more than one personality means being seriously disturbed. Somewhere in between these two extremes lies the truth of who you are. While you are just one personality, that is not all that you are. You also have many subpersonalities, or selves. Each of these selves is a unique way of experiencing life.

You may not think of things in this way. It may feel more like impulses, some that you welcome, and others that you wish would go away never to return. In our case example, Sharon has one impulse, or self, to be shy and quiet; another one that criticizes her for being too shy; another one that yearns for more expression; another one that wants to go out on dates; along with many others.

Some parts of her may wish to do away with the shy self, believing that the shy self is somehow a defective part of her. However, this is always a case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. Each self has a gift for us; and the way to experience that gift is by learning to understand these oftentimes subconscious forces.

That is where Voice Dialogue comes in. With Voice Dialogue, Sharon would learn to separate out these different impulses, which are often competing for her attention. She would begin by talking about the different issues in her life. The therapist notices which selves seem present, and which ones would like to be present, but are somehow not getting a voice. Sharon is then instructed to move to a different place in the room, so that she can hear from these different selves as individual realities. In doing so, Sharon begins to truly learn about her self, by learning about her selves.

It's similar to having many people trying to talk to you at the same time; and then your telling everyone that each will get their turn. You then begin the process of listening to each person, and understanding their unique viewpoint. In doing so, you're much more able to meet the needs of the different people present, and come up with more effective solutions. You start to realize the strengths of each one present, and how to best work together.

Earlier, I mentioned the image of a symphony. The goal of Voice Dialogue is to learn about the different musicians (selves), and to create an inner conductor (what is called the Aware Ego). This inner conductor, which is non-judgemental in nature, is able to embrace the reality of each self. As a result, each self feels valued and brings forth their unique gift.

Gestalt

Transactional Analysis

Transactional analysis analyzes transactions. The transactions in this case refer to each time we communicate with each other. Eric Berne, founder of T.A., identified three main states of mind underneath all of our transactions: parent, adult, and child. Each of these states is an entire system of thought, feeling, behavior, and body experience. The therapist helps the client analyze how these three mind or ego states interact with each other within, and with the parent/adult/child states of others. Dysfunctional behavior is seen as coming from self-limiting decisions made in childhood for survival; which in turns creates what's called the "life-script." Changing this script to a more healthy, loving script is part of the aim of the therapy.

Part of the goal of our interactions is to obtain strokes - the units of interpersonal recognition. When we are acting unconsciously from dysfunctional life scripts, we engage in certain socially dysfunctional behavioral patterns as "games." These repetitive, devious transactions are intended to obtain strokes but instead they reinforce negative feelings and self-concepts, and mask the direct expression of thoughts and emotions.

At the foundation of the therapy is a belief in the basic worth of people. It is the theory that is at the heart of the wonderful book for parenting children - both inner and outer - "Growing Up Again," by Jean Illsley Clarke, and Connie Dawson.

Jungian

Self - Relations

The Chinese symbol for "crisis" is the same as the one for "opportunity." Whenever we're faced with a crisis, whether big or small, there are two sets of opportunities: that of self-destruction, or that of self-creation. When confronted with something painful, a person may get trapped in depression and addictions; or they may see the event as a "sacred catastrophe." It is sacred because it is an opportunity for the person to wake up to their deeper, truer self. The difference, in the Self-Relations view, depends on "sponsorship:" According to Stephen Gilligan, creator of Self-Relations: "Sponsorship is a vow to help a person (including one's self) to use each and every event and experience to awaken to the goodness and gifts of the self, the world, and the connections between the two. Self-relations suggests that experiences that come into a person's life are not yet fully human; they have no human value until a person is able to "sponsor them.

…However, any experiences or behaviors that arise that are neglected, ignored, or cursed by the person or community remain in their pre-sponsored, "not quite ready for prime time" state. They repetitively assert themselves, looking for the human presence that will sponsor them and thereby allow their positive value to become apparent to self and community. But if each time they are rejected anew, they become increasingly troublesome and antagonistic to the person and the community."

Thus, for Sharon, her shyness is in its pre-sponsored state. It has a gift for her, but she will not be able to experience that gift, until she can begin to open herself up to what is thought of as her neglected self. By establishing connections between her neglected self and her competent self, the part of her that carries her shyness will experience sponsorship, and the positive gifts will be experienced. A common example of this is when a parent comforts a child who is afraid of a monster underneath the bed - the parent reassures the child, giving the child sponsorship, and thus the deeply feeling, tender parts of the child can come forth in safety and security. By opening up to her shyness, Sharon would find a path to the strength of the indestructible "tender soft spot" at the core of her being.

In the course of her therapy, the therapist serves as the skillful human presence offering sponsorship in the beginning. It is the goal of Self-Relations therapy that Sharon would learn how to do this sponsorship for herself.

To sum up, in Stephen Gilligan's words:

"The basic position is life is coming through you, and it's bringing you everything you need in order to become a human being. What people need to learn are some skills about how to listen to it, how to sense it, how to stay with it, how to be guided by it, while also giving it some form."

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